I was having a bad morning. Rob and I had a disagreement the night before and I was letting it carry over to today which I know is NOT the right thing to do. Max was sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast and Rob and I were in there as well rehashing our disagreement from the night before. The part that makes me so mad is that I know better than to argue in front of the kids. It wasn't a blow out or anything but the tone of my voice wasn't nice either. I admit to that. Before I realized it Max had left the table and had come back to me with this piece of paper.
He says to me, "See this picture? This person is smiling and you are not. I want you to be like this picture and stop being mean." Rob had walked out of the kitchen just before Max appeared with this. When Rob walked back in Max said to him, "And this is for you too."
Talk about feeling like the worst parent in the world! I absolutely hated myself that moment and did everything I could to keep from crying. I apologized (profusely) to Max and told him that he was right- that it is not nice for Mommy and Daddy to talk mean to each other. And I also told him that I was so proud of him for finding a way to express his feelings. I'm still not over this and the way I acted but I'm not hating myself. This was my reality check. Rob and I made a pack that we would not make our issues our children's as well. And I hung this on the kitchen cabinet as a reminder that my kids deserve so much more than a crabby mom. I want the rest of his notes and letters to me to be full of joy and contentment and not of insecurity and disappointment.
I still feel so little. So disappointed in myself.
1 comment:
Oh Denise. We all have those moments hun! I agree with you on the fighting in front of the kids to an extent, but I think my mom (who's now been married 30some years),once told me that some "healthy" arguments in front of the kids is not necessarily a bad thing. As long as it wasn't anything like too heated, I think that your kids seeing some disagreeing in a healthy way is okay for the kids to see. You want your kids to have a realistic view of marriage and not an expectation that it is all fairy tale all the time. I know at this age though they don't get any of that. Marriage and relationships in general are tough and there will be some arguments - make sure they see you make up as well too! So that's my two cents - hope it makes a little bit of sense - easier to talk about than write about! HUGS - you are a GREAT mom and your kids will know that!
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